Having gained widespread approval of
homosexuality, the entertainment industry and others in our culture have begun
to push for acceptance of polyamorous relationships such as throuples. If anyone
reading this has yet to learn what a throuple is, it refers to three people in
a romantic relationship with each other (like a man living with two women).
Throuples are beginning to show up in TV shows in a way reminiscent of
homosexuals being portrayed which contributed to many people coming to view
such relationships as morally acceptable and normal. Katie Hill, a former congresswoman
from California, is openly bisexual and is rumored to have been involved in a
throuple. Others are now coming out as throuples.
For Christians, this new trend raises the
question of whether or not polyamorous relationships are allowed by the Bible.
Some people point out that some of the people in the Old Testament who are held
up as positive examples of faith, like Abraham, Jacob, and King David, had more
than one wife at the same time. They also point out that there is no law in either
the Old or New Testament that explicitly prohibits a man having more than one wife.
This leads some Christians to wonder if throuples and other polygamous
relationships are acceptable in God’s eyes? I’m convinced that today any form of
polygamy or multiple romantic partners is not pleasing in God’s eyes and is
unacceptable for Christians. In the rest of this blog post I will try to
explain why.
Homosexuality
Apparently, some throuples involve homosexuality
where basically all three people are having sex with each other. This makes
these relationships different from the polygamy in the Old Testament where some
men had more than one wife. The Bible teaches that all homosexual relationships
are wrong. I’ve explained and defended this view in another blog post, here.
Therefore, any throuple or other relationship which involves homosexuality is
sinful. But what about polygamous relationships that do not involve
homosexuality?
The Old Testament Example: Tolerated
but Never Positive
It is true that God tolerated polygamy in the
Old Testament. However, the Old Testament examples of polygamy consistently
show that it leads to conflict and problems.
The first polygamist was Lamech (Genesis
4:19). Lamech was a descendant of the murderer Cain and, more importantly,
Lamech himself was a murderer (Genesis 4:23). He is hardly a positive moral
example to be followed.
Abraham overall is a positive moral example.
But the Bible is honest about the failures and mistakes of even its heroes. At
Sarah’s request, Abraham took Sarah’s maid to be his wife (Genesis 16:3).
Although it was originally Sarah’s idea, after Hagar bears Abraham a son, Sarah
becomes jealous. This resulted in Hagar being mistreated (Genesis 16:6) and
eventually expelled (Genesis 21:14).
Jacob has children by two wives and by two of
their maids. The story shows there was jealousy between the wives and conflict
between some of their children. In fact, a son of one of Jacob’s wives is thrown
into a pit by the other sons and then sold into slavery by them. This is hardly
a picture of a happy family. The fact that God eventually brings good out of
bad situations does not negate the fact that the situations were bad to begin
with.
King David had several wives. There was also
conflict among his children, to the point that one of his sons murdered his
half-brother.
Solomon has a multitude of wives and this
leads to Solomon’s downfall into idolatry (1 Kings 11:4).
Given the consistent negative results of
polygamy, we might wonder why God didn’t simply outlaw it in the law given to
Moses? The Bible doesn’t tell us. It may be that prior to the coming of the
Holy Spirit in a much deeper and more widespread way after Jesus died for our
sins and ascended to Heaven that outlawing polygamy altogether would have been
too high a standard for people to keep. It’s also possible that in the harsh
world of the Old Testament a woman was better off being the second wife of a
man than being unmarried in some circumstances. Admittedly, this is just speculation. What’s
not speculation is that when we get to the New Testament, we see more clearly
that God does not approve of polygamy.
God’s Standards for Christian Leaders
Through the Apostle Paul, God revealed the
standards by which Christian leaders in the church are to be chosen. Three
times it is specifically stated that leaders must be the husband of one wife.
As you read these, keep in mind that an elder is the same thing as an overseer:
CSB 17 1 Timothy
3:2 An overseer, therefore, must be above reproach, the husband of one
wife, self-controlled, sensible, respectable, hospitable, able to
teach,
3 not an excessive drinker, not a bully but
gentle, not quarrelsome, not greedy.
CSB17 1 Timothy 3:12 Deacons are to be husbands of one wife,
managing their children and their own households competently.
CSB17 Titus 1:6
An elder must be blameless: the husband of one wife, with
faithful children who are not accused of wildness or rebellion.
7 As an overseer of God's household, he must
be blameless: not arrogant, not hot-tempered, not an excessive drinker, not a
bully, not greedy for money,
8 but hospitable, loving what is good,
sensible, righteous, holy, self-controlled,
9 holding to the faithful message as
taught, so that he will be able both to encourage with sound teaching and to
refute those who contradict it.
It’s hard to imagine why God would have
forbidden the leaders of his church to have more than one wife if polygamous
relationships are sometimes pleasing in His eyes.
Is it alright for Christians to have multiple spouses
if they are not leaders in the church? No, that wouldn’t make sense. Look at
the other qualifications. It’s not ok for church members who are not leaders to
be excessive drinkers, or bullies, or quarrelsome, or greedy, or to manage
their households poorly, or to fail to be hospitable or fail to hold to the
faithful message as taught. It seems like the qualifications for Christian
leaders are standards of behavior that all Christians should strive for. There
is no reason to think that being the husband of one wife would be any
different.
Further, when instructions are given in the
New Testament for husbands and wives, these instructions are consistently given
in language which refers to a singular husband and a singular wife. Unlike the
Old Testament, not a single one of the many people who are positive examples in
the New Testament was involved in a polygamous relationship that we know of.
Besides all this, there is the broad and
foundational principle of Christ-like love being the standard for all Christian
behavior.
The Standard of Christ-like Love
In all our relationships, Christ-like love should
be the standard of our conduct:
CSB17 Romans 13:10 Love
does no wrong to a neighbor. Love, therefore, is the fulfillment of the law.
My wife and I lived in a
Muslim majority nation for 14 years. Islam allows men to have up to four wives.
While thankfully this was not common where we lived, it was legal and there
were men with multiple wives. On a
number of occasions, we asked Muslim women who were our neighbors and friends
how they would feel if their husband took a second wife. 100% of the time they
were strongly opposed to the idea. That’s not surprising, is it? While people
may speculate that a throuple or other polyamorous relationship could make
everyone happy, in real life the consistent outcome will be conflict and
jealousy. This was the case in the Old Testament, even when the wife initiated
the idea, as Sarah did. Even if all the parties consent, entering into romantic
relationships with multiple partners is wrong because it consistently leads to
hurt and harm for both the partners and among any children.
It is always best to
follow the pattern established by God at the very beginning. One man married to
one woman as long as they both live.
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