Tuesday, November 26, 2019

What does the Bible say about Throuples, Polygamy, and being Polyamorous?



Having gained widespread approval of homosexuality, the entertainment industry and others in our culture have begun to push for acceptance of polyamorous relationships such as throuples. If anyone reading this has yet to learn what a throuple is, it refers to three people in a romantic relationship with each other (like a man living with two women). Throuples are beginning to show up in TV shows in a way reminiscent of homosexuals being portrayed which contributed to many people coming to view such relationships as morally acceptable and normal. Katie Hill, a former congresswoman from California, is openly bisexual and is rumored to have been involved in a throuple. Others are now coming out as throuples.

For Christians, this new trend raises the question of whether or not polyamorous relationships are allowed by the Bible. Some people point out that some of the people in the Old Testament who are held up as positive examples of faith, like Abraham, Jacob, and King David, had more than one wife at the same time. They also point out that there is no law in either the Old or New Testament that explicitly prohibits a man having more than one wife. This leads some Christians to wonder if throuples and other polygamous relationships are acceptable in God’s eyes? I’m convinced that today any form of polygamy or multiple romantic partners is not pleasing in God’s eyes and is unacceptable for Christians. In the rest of this blog post I will try to explain why.

Homosexuality

Apparently, some throuples involve homosexuality where basically all three people are having sex with each other. This makes these relationships different from the polygamy in the Old Testament where some men had more than one wife. The Bible teaches that all homosexual relationships are wrong. I’ve explained and defended this view in another blog post, here. Therefore, any throuple or other relationship which involves homosexuality is sinful. But what about polygamous relationships that do not involve homosexuality?

The Old Testament Example: Tolerated but Never Positive

It is true that God tolerated polygamy in the Old Testament. However, the Old Testament examples of polygamy consistently show that it leads to conflict and problems.

The first polygamist was Lamech (Genesis 4:19). Lamech was a descendant of the murderer Cain and, more importantly, Lamech himself was a murderer (Genesis 4:23). He is hardly a positive moral example to be followed.

Abraham overall is a positive moral example. But the Bible is honest about the failures and mistakes of even its heroes. At Sarah’s request, Abraham took Sarah’s maid to be his wife (Genesis 16:3). Although it was originally Sarah’s idea, after Hagar bears Abraham a son, Sarah becomes jealous. This resulted in Hagar being mistreated (Genesis 16:6) and eventually expelled (Genesis 21:14).

Jacob has children by two wives and by two of their maids. The story shows there was jealousy between the wives and conflict between some of their children. In fact, a son of one of Jacob’s wives is thrown into a pit by the other sons and then sold into slavery by them. This is hardly a picture of a happy family. The fact that God eventually brings good out of bad situations does not negate the fact that the situations were bad to begin with.

King David had several wives. There was also conflict among his children, to the point that one of his sons murdered his half-brother.

Solomon has a multitude of wives and this leads to Solomon’s downfall into idolatry (1 Kings 11:4).

Given the consistent negative results of polygamy, we might wonder why God didn’t simply outlaw it in the law given to Moses? The Bible doesn’t tell us. It may be that prior to the coming of the Holy Spirit in a much deeper and more widespread way after Jesus died for our sins and ascended to Heaven that outlawing polygamy altogether would have been too high a standard for people to keep. It’s also possible that in the harsh world of the Old Testament a woman was better off being the second wife of a man than being unmarried in some circumstances.  Admittedly, this is just speculation. What’s not speculation is that when we get to the New Testament, we see more clearly that God does not approve of polygamy.

God’s Standards for Christian Leaders

Through the Apostle Paul, God revealed the standards by which Christian leaders in the church are to be chosen. Three times it is specifically stated that leaders must be the husband of one wife. As you read these, keep in mind that an elder is the same thing as an overseer:

CSB 17 1 Timothy 3:2 An overseer, therefore, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, self-controlled, sensible, respectable, hospitable, able to teach,
 3 not an excessive drinker, not a bully but gentle, not quarrelsome, not greedy.

CSB17 1 Timothy 3:12 Deacons are to be husbands of one wife, managing their children and their own households competently.

CSB17 Titus 1:6 An elder must be blameless: the husband of one wife, with faithful children who are not accused of wildness or rebellion.
 7 As an overseer of God's household, he must be blameless: not arrogant, not hot-tempered, not an excessive drinker, not a bully, not greedy for money,
 8 but hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, righteous, holy, self-controlled,
 9 holding to the faithful message as taught, so that he will be able both to encourage with sound teaching and to refute those who contradict it.

It’s hard to imagine why God would have forbidden the leaders of his church to have more than one wife if polygamous relationships are sometimes pleasing in His eyes.

Is it alright for Christians to have multiple spouses if they are not leaders in the church? No, that wouldn’t make sense. Look at the other qualifications. It’s not ok for church members who are not leaders to be excessive drinkers, or bullies, or quarrelsome, or greedy, or to manage their households poorly, or to fail to be hospitable or fail to hold to the faithful message as taught. It seems like the qualifications for Christian leaders are standards of behavior that all Christians should strive for. There is no reason to think that being the husband of one wife would be any different.

Further, when instructions are given in the New Testament for husbands and wives, these instructions are consistently given in language which refers to a singular husband and a singular wife. Unlike the Old Testament, not a single one of the many people who are positive examples in the New Testament was involved in a polygamous relationship that we know of.

Besides all this, there is the broad and foundational principle of Christ-like love being the standard for all Christian behavior.

The Standard of Christ-like Love

In all our relationships, Christ-like love should be the standard of our conduct:

CSB17 Romans 13:10 Love does no wrong to a neighbor. Love, therefore, is the fulfillment of the law.

My wife and I lived in a Muslim majority nation for 14 years. Islam allows men to have up to four wives. While thankfully this was not common where we lived, it was legal and there were  men with multiple wives. On a number of occasions, we asked Muslim women who were our neighbors and friends how they would feel if their husband took a second wife. 100% of the time they were strongly opposed to the idea. That’s not surprising, is it? While people may speculate that a throuple or other polyamorous relationship could make everyone happy, in real life the consistent outcome will be conflict and jealousy. This was the case in the Old Testament, even when the wife initiated the idea, as Sarah did. Even if all the parties consent, entering into romantic relationships with multiple partners is wrong because it consistently leads to hurt and harm for both the partners and among any children.

It is always best to follow the pattern established by God at the very beginning. One man married to one woman as long as they both live.


Hebrews 13:16 And do not forget to do good and to share with others . . .


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Wednesday, November 6, 2019

Intent on One Purpose



I’ve been reading, thinking about, meditating on, and studying Philippians. What a great book! I was reading the CSB translation of Philippians and a phrase jumped out at me: “intent on one purpose.” It is found in this verse:

CSB17 Philippians 2:2 make my joy complete by thinking the same way, having the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.

I think the CSB captures an important part of Paul’s meaning. Some other translations are very similar:

NAS Philippians 2:2 make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.

NET Philippians 2:2 complete my joy and be of the same mind, by having the same love, being united in spirit, and having one purpose.

NLT Philippians 2:2 Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.

Certainly, having “one purpose” is part of what it means to be like-minded and is a natural (or perhaps we should say, “supernatural”!) result of Christians all serving the same Lord, worshiping the same God, and being indwelt by the same Holy Spirit.

Of course, this raises the question: what is our one purpose?

While in a way the question demands a single answer (since it is ONE purpose), I nevertheless think there are many helpful ways to word basically the same answer. Different ways of wording the answer will emphasize different aspects of our one purpose. Here are seven ways to state our God-given purpose:

#1 To glorify God

To glorify God means to help ourselves and others to see, feel, and know how wonderful God is. We can’t make God any more powerful, holy, pure, loving, good, or wise than He already is, but we can grow in seeing his power, holiness, purity, love, goodness, and wisdom more clearly and fully. As we do this, we will be moved to love Him more deeply and trust Him more fully. This is certainly an all-consuming life-purpose. As Paul put it, “whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God” (1 Cor. 10:31 CSB17).

#2 To know Him and to make Him known

“To know Him and to make Him known” was the motto of the Bible seminary I attended (CIU). It’s a great motto for a Bible college which is helping students learn about God and preparing them to help others learn about God. If it is interpreted to include knowing God personally and gaining such knowledge through many means and not just academically, the motto becomes a great way to describe our “one purpose.”

#3 To make disciples

After rising from the dead, our Lord Jesus Christ commanded us to make disciples (Matthew 28:19). Understood broadly and biblically, making disciples includes teaching people to obey all that Jesus commanded. We teach by both example and by word. Teaching others to obey requires us to be constantly growing in obedience ourselves. When we are making disciples, we are glorifying God and we are making Him known!

#4 To love God and to love one another

Jesus taught that the two greatest commandments are to love God and to love one another. When we love God, we will keep His commandments (John 14:15) . Love for one another shows that we are true disciples of Jesus (John 13:35). Thus, we see how closely the two greatest commandments are linked to making disciples. And of course, the more we know Him, the more we love Him, and loving God and leading others to love God brings Him glory!

#5 To bear fruit

Another way of stating our “one purpose” is that we are designed to bear fruit for God. This fruit includes the fruit of the Spirit in our lives and also includes the fruit of winning others to the Lord and helping them to grow in Christ. This declaration by Jesus shows how producing fruit, being disciples, and bringing glory to God are all related:

“My Father is glorified by this: that you produce much fruit and prove to be my disciples” (John 15:8 CSB17).

#6 To be imitators of God

In the very first chapter of the Bible, God makes us in His image. Being in His image basically means being like Him. We are like Him in many ways. One of the most important ways in which He wants us to be like Him is in our character. God wants us to be good, loving, faithful, truthful, courageous, and holy like Jesus is. We are commanded to “be imitators of God” (Ephesians 5:1), which includes learning to “walk in love” (Ephesians 5:2). As we reflect God more fully and clearly, our lives will glorify Him more and we will draw more people to Christ and make more disciples.

#7 To help more and more people become more and more like Jesus

The first six ways of stating our “one purpose” are either taken directly from Scripture or from other Christians. I find it helpful to try to paraphrase the truths I learn from the Bible and from other Christians in my own words, even if the way I say is not quite as concise, precise, or beautiful. In terms of stating our one purpose, I came up with “to help more and more people become more and more like Jesus.” Of course, in order to do this, we must grow in knowing Him ourselves and set an example by obeying Him. All of this will bring glory to God.

Concluding Thoughts

I’m sure there are many other ways to word our “one purpose.” While we have one purpose, there are many aspects to this one purpose. Also, there are a multitude of specific ways in which we fulfill our purpose. Depending on our gifts and the circumstances God places us in, we may glorify God and make Him known in many different ways. I pray that God will give each of us the holy zeal that the Apostle Paul had for doing His own part in God’s great, glorious plan:

But I consider my life of no value to myself; my purpose is to finish my course and the ministry I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of God's grace (Acts 20:24 CSB17).

When we are living for the purpose God made us for, our current life is no longer the most important thing to us. God calls us to join Him in fulfilling His glorious purpose for all of creation. And when we do, we find deep meaning, great joy, and the hope of eternal life.


Hebrews 13:16 And do not forget to do good and to share with others . . .



Some related blog posts for further reading: